Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day 165 - 171: Gooooooooooooaaaaaaaaal! (and the US Got Robbed!)

June 14th to June 20th, 2010

Bar Factoid: One of the lovely bartenders at Jack's used to be a ballerina. Can you guess which one?

Jack's was pretty much open early (like 6 or 7 a.m. early) all this week for the World Cup. They still have black Jack's logo T-Shirts—featuring the World Cup logo also—for sale at $10 bucks a pop and still have some stock left too.

Thus the bartenders have been working epic schedules, and some days it showed. ;)

Monday the 14th notes:

Aimee didn't greet me with her usual JEREMY! holler. She was listening to Tanisha tell her a story. Of course sensitive me got worried (was she mad 'cause I hadn't yet paid up on that picture I've been giving her bits of cash for over time?), but I told myself to stop worrying.

Even when she talked to other bald dude, I got worried, but then told myself again to not worry.

Just learned from Aimee B. you can put citrus juice on apples and other things to keep them from browning and keep them fresh

It was dead inside. Aimee on bar. Texas Loft watcher dude aka Scuba Steve, motorcycle dog friend man, bald white guy name I forgot. Tanisha and her boyf(??) were to my right, but they left and she looks a whole hell of a lot better. Not as sick it seems.

I listened as they told a story of a dude who tossed another dude's bicycle since he was being a jerk for some reason, then that guy Another-Dude ran into Bike-Tossing-Dude in a super market like the next day and that's when Another-Dude literally ran away from Bike-Tossing-Dude.

There were also stories told of self-arresting (that is, the art of getting oneself arrested all by one's self) and undercover SJPD stopping a near-knife attack at a downtown night spot.

Will I be able to pay off Aimee B. for the picture by July 1st? Time will tell!

Tuesday the 15th notes:

Tanisha is back in action. White collar types were back in attendance too. Tanisha was pretty sick and that's all I'll say about that, save that she's returned now and feisty as ever (No, Tanisha, that does not qualify "as something negative on the internet about you." Stop being so damned sensitive, m'kay?*) Quick afternoon visit right after dropping my coworker Tres Gringos Steve off at his place.

Yep, carpool FTW.

One beer FTW too.

Moving on...

Wednesday the 16th:

Today was a day where Wes shared his box (like a whole cardboard box) of Chinese food from Wings up the street. It was also a day where Thunder bought copious shots and called me assorted sexist names (Faggot! Slut! Whore!), kindly offered to sexually abuse me (I'm going to fuck you in the ass! Then I'm going to fuck everyone in the ass!) and otherwise made patently false claims (It's my birthday!)

Keith invited me to attend the 1st annual (well, as far as I know) Cornhole Tournament at Jack's later this summer. (Official rules here.)

This tournament does not involve the anus in any way, so I feel safe. By the way, Keith and I will win. So you can cry your tears of fail now and get it out of the way. Then you can start saving your pennies to buy me and Keith beers all day after we win. That's very nice of you.

After giving Thunder a ride home I tried to bounce Thunder's balls on a 2x6 piece of wood repeatedly. For the record, this also did not involve the anus. He was fully clothed, mostly passed out and was practically crying out to be abused. Mercy is a virtue.

Thursday the 17th:

Tanisha was working the bar when I strolled during happy hour.

Charlie was outside painting the walls either side of the entrance (having already removed the Jack's logos—which will be refurbished, painted and re-hung later this week or next).

This was one of those days where I stayed too long at the bar and lost track of all that I had to drink. Fortunately I got home at a decent hour (like before 1 a.m.) and went to work with no hangover. That, believe it or not, is an improvement.

Things recollected:

*During the game I cheered and raised my hands up and managed to hit a guy's glass. This guy (named Eli) spilled his beer all down his shirt. He'd a probably been more uppity if it wasn't for the fact that he was such a shorty. Still I apologized and offered Eli another beer, but he declined and said he was already closing out. Didn't keep him from shooting daggers at me with his eyes.

*Tall Nicole telling me a story of a thin white dude all but disappearing into the vagina of a (very, very) very big black woman at the entrance to the Exotic Erotic Ball. In her words, it "was like vaginal consumption!" Fastest $100 she ever spent, as she was in and out the door after witnessing that spectacle.

*Tall Nicole telling me a story of Reggae on the Rocks. She saw this old school hippy white guy busting a move with some other woman (I think it was a big black woman). Then Tall Nicole said a phrase of some sort that she coined at the sight of those two people and saying it again made her laugh her head off in the bar. I can't remember it though.

*Charlie buying me a shot.

*Helping Jenny finish her shot from that round.

*Jenny thoughtfully asking Tall Nicole "..now how do we get Jeremy laid?" Thanks Jenny. I appreciate you looking out for me, you tree hugger you! ;) (She'd just come back from seeing the redwoods today and as I understand it you can't help but hug the damn things when you're right next to them. She didn't see any Ewoks though.)

*Another Charlie shot.

*Met a guy named Bahb (like Bob, but spelled insanely) who was a sponsored skater back in the 70s and retired more or less in 1978. He skated with Tony Alba at the Pipeline Skate Park in Los Angeles. Also with some guy named Peralta too. ;)

*Met a man named Paris. He's a Bay Area man, a strong looking fellow, friendly, and wondered aloud why I was limiting myself to alcohol. I think I've met him before.

*Yesenia of The Big Purple Root (Day 32)showed up, pretty as ever, with a friend of hers. Yesenia did a smell test on my beard and pronounced it clean. She did recommend I scent it up with cologne, but I can't remember if it was Calvin Klein or some other fragrance that she suggested after I queried her as to her taste. You ask me, I think my beard ought to smell like Whiskey so that's what I'm drinking. Yesenia has a big smile, beautiful teeth and hair that's cut short and curly. Something tells me she'd rip me in half in bed, so I’m not gonna go there. Yesenia wore the Aztec calendar on a round pendant attached to a necklace. (Yep I was looking real close...when you're buzzed and sitting next to someone you consider to be potentially physically dangerous in bed, you can't help but tempt fate a little.)

*Joaquin walked in, lifted me up like a rag doll, gave me one of those WWE bear hugs and swung me around a bit. That I didn't hit anyone else's beer with my feet is a miracle. And my back is still a wee bit sore.

Aside from that, I wrote down in my notes "Angel Essence FTW!" but I can't remember what that's about. Anyone?

Friday the 18th

Can you say, "Jeremy drank A LOT"? So can I.

Today I was fed 5 (that's "five" in letters) shots by certain not-to-be-named bar people. I could tell you why I'm not naming them, but I don't want to in order to protect them, just in case.

I will say this: THANKS! :D

Today Tanisha told me, "No slamming cans!" I explained I'd slammed it down in celebration of completing my tall boy and from having lots of fun (after several shots, you'd slam yours too!). She replied that it's like I'm demanding another beer from her ASAP and that's not to be done.

The bartender makes the rules, so that's how it goes. My apologies, Tanisha!

Later that night I elbowed Tanisha in the head (not kidding). Total accident. Honest!

This was one of those nights where I took a break to run home and get my beer koozie. I left my card with Lindsay so she could order another beer, which she did. When I returned, I ordered up a pitcher (which the koozie fits just fine) and had lots of fun well into the night.

Something cool: Brian—who works at the Hyde Park Cocktail Lounge off 4th and Commercial Monday through Friday until 6 pm each day right here in San Jose—told me is that a customer of his (some sort of reporter) knew about the San Jose Sharks players who had visited Jack's on Day 144

Q. How'd she know if she wasn't in attendance?
A. She explained to him that she'd read it on my blog.

Kick ass!

I remember Brian being there that day, but I don't think I knew who he was at that time.

Then Brian told me his all-access pass story when USC played Stanford. He rubbed shoulders with everyone and anyone football famous, then got right up on the edge of the playing field to watch the game. If you'd been at the bar with me and seen the look on his face, you'd know just how intensely awesome that experience was for him.

Charlie mentioned he'd like to write a movie script titled, "The Modern Drunkard".

I recall talking with Fremont Matt at night. I also recall singing "A Boy Named Sue" with Grant and Christian when the sun was still up. That was fun.

I also recall Tanisha in Aimee's clothes. She wore a red butterfly in her hair that matched the red flannel-ish button up shirt she had on (the one Aimee ordered from Japan, if memory serves). Total Incredible Hulk moments, those. See me for clarification.

Speaking of Aimee: It seems like she's turned a corner in my eyes. Somehow she's more, oh I dunno, at peace? No, that's not right. Well, it is, but it's more a place holder word for another, better word I haven't figured out yet. Let's just say she's more awesome and leave it at that.

Saturday the 19th

I was supposed to attend Thunder and Crystal's Summer Kick Off BBQ party today, but dodged it as I was feeling especially dead in my soul.

Were I wise I'd have dodged Friday partying in lieu of partying today, but the idea of back to backs (that is, a Saturday party and then a Sunday party...yes, I have a social life now thank you very much) seemed 100% not good at all to me.

I'm sure I'd have tried to have a ton of fun if I'd gone, but my heart would not have been in it.

Today I was up early (had to give a lady friend a morning ride to her car) so I found myself on an equally early trip to Jack's today.

The World Cup was of course showing on all the flat screen TVs and Jordan kindly filled me in on the particulars of the World Cup rules for advancement to the final group of 16 teams, as well what the US team needed to do in order to make it into that select group. Thanks for answering my many questions.

Travis was at the bar too and had put out a dare on Facebook that same morning: if 20 people responded to him he'd wear a dress to work at Jack's tonight. He thought nobody would be up that early on a Saturday so he'd be fine and not have to do it.

There were more than 20 responses by the time I gave him a ride home an hour or so later.

In between then and, err...then, he consoled himself by dunking cinnamon Pop Tarts into Whiskey.

Tall Nicole was sleepy behind the bar and I can sure understand why. Back to backs must be tough as hell when working at a bar.

Thanks Jordan for buying us two rounds of shots. I was only intending to drink Coke at the bar, but damn if whiskey doesn't wake a person up (for another hour at least).

Sunday the 20th:

Doggy Days at Jack's! Today was the first of four monthly affairs at Jack's where everyone is invited to bring their dog and enjoy free BBQ (which was damn good, let me tell you). The dogs get to enjoy some free doggie treats, plenty of water and the company of other dogs.

They had a flat screen set up out back for World Cup action.

Thanks go out to Lindsay for the quiet get-together at her place Sunday night. Incredible pasta, good wine, good bread, cool sunset air and friends.

My last act at Jack's was to return later that night and pick a lovely friend up who needed a ride from the bar. It's good to be able to return a favor.

See you all next week at Jack's!

*Just kidding! Things are back to normal now that you've returned, Tanisha. I'm glad you're well and hope you stay as healthy as can be. I can't do this without you.

Ok, maybe I could, but it would basically suck if you're not there.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Day 159-164: I Feel Alright Tonight

Tuesday, June 8th to Sunday, June 13th

Dear Reader,

Run away and don't look back if you're allergic to poetry. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I Feel Alright Tonight

This week Fallon fed me alcohol
and Wendee fed me kisses

This week I ran away and then right back
to a woman could be called "the missus"

This week I watched a man leap on a friend
who was already on top of a dude

They fed us whiskey from the bottle
And nothing they did was considered rude

This week I fell into a rut
Yet somehow fell back out

This week I spent every day drinking with friends
finding in this little reason, if any, to pout

This week I met a suos-chef
Who who wants to buy the veggies from my garden

I'm not all that sure how to spell "sous-chef"
If misspelled, I humbly beg your pardon

This week I met Crystal's mother
I saw pictures of Crystal before she had tattoos

I'd pick the mother over the daughter
if ever I was forced to choose

This week ends with me writing at home
In the wan light of the setting sun

Happy that the year is not yet half over.
Happy for a life filled with friends and fun.

See you Monday at Jack's!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Day 158 - Old School Joe and WTF?!?!?

Monday, June 7th, 2010

Dear Reader,

[pardon me for a sec while I pay this overdue Comcast bill online. Thanks Sugi and Carter for the three way help on that]


Today at Jack's I met a woman named Gail and a man named Joe. I didn't get to talk to Gail much, but I did speak to Joe.

Joe sat under TV #1, at the foot of the L-shaped bar. I sat between him and one seat over from Gail.

Joe wore faded blue jeans and a durable looking light blue button up long sleeve shirt. He had a hat on, but I don't remember the color or any logo.

What's unique about Joe is his eyes. Why? Because you can't hardly see them! Looking at him, it's hard to tell if his eyes are even open all the way. He seems like someone who has worked outside all his life, without benefit of sunglasses the whole damn time. (I know people who've grown up in the snowy mountains of Colorado who don't squint that tight.) Anyway, I was to find out real soon that this idea of mine about his life was dead on accurate.

And the nice thing was, the more we talked the more his eyes opened up. Eyes open and smiling and that old, wrinkled, tough as leather-looking face became animated and happy.

So, Joe was born in 1947 (or 48?), he's is retired, is drawing on Social Security and lives in a trailer on a ranch up Mount Hamilton way. That ranch covers 40 acres and he looks after all of it. He has to put in a minimum of ten hours a week. Any more time spent and that's "on him" as he says, but he "don't mind doing more."

When Joe was a kid he used to play in the ditches that bordered the farms around Steven's Creek Boulevard where the Cadillac dealership is now located. He spent pretty much his whole life picking crops in the Bay Area.

His uncle (also named Joe) owned Standard Produce of San Jose and his dad used to work there too. Standard Produce was located where the Gordon Biersch brewing facility is currently located, right along the railroad. According to Joe, this whole part of San Jose (Japantown and the surrounding warehouses north of Taylor) was once a centralized hub for shipment of Bay Area-grown produce to all parts of the state along the railroad, with things really humming around 1955.

From time to time you can find Joe cooking up the free barbecue they sometimes have (courtesy of the owner) at C&J's Sports Bar in Santa Clara, just off Lafayette street near the Jack in the Box. C&J's has been showing a lot of the big fights recently and according to Joe it gets pretty packed some nights.

If Measure J goes through for the new stadium, C&J's is the first bar you'd hit on your way out after a game, or so Joe says.

Aimee B. was tending bar today and the bar itself wasn't all that packed. Maybe eight of us total, not including Aimee. I made arrangements with Aimee to contact her later this week so I can make the final payment on the photograph I've had my eye on the last couple of months. Can't wait to hang it above the mantel piece!

See you Tuesday after work at Jack's!


As an aside: WTF? I meet someone cool at Jack's. I hang out with this person a couple weeks ago in Japantown. We have a good time. I discover this person is smart, has led an interesting life, is in a serious relationship with someone else and is perfectly willing to make plans to meet me in Mountain View (today) for some serious book store browsing action after work.

Totally platonic, btw.

But for my own basic inability to keep track of my personal finances (thus precipitating a trip to Gilroy for funds acquisition, which in fact ended up not happening in lieu of alternate last minute arrangements closer to home), the aforementioned trip to Mountain View is exactly what would have happened.

OK so this person got called away by work so we sort of ended up dual canceling on each other for different reasons, but what really got me was that after I suggested we try to communicate in the future this week to find a good time to retry the get together, later today this person notified my by text that they had to stop hanging out with me because their significant other got wind of the fact that we visited (once) and got all upset about it.

I say again: WTF? What am I, a best-friend stealing thief? Has the significant other looked at me lately? I am most certainly not the amorous heart pick pocketing type! A bristly bearded, shaven-headed man of my girth does not naturally ooze the sort of manly confidence (read: charm) that allows one to go around randomly burglaring a love interest away from the love interested.

Travis has that power, I suppose, because as bartenders go he's a Jedi Master (and has a nice head of hair; and his facial hair is entirely under control).

I, however, do not have that power, in the bar or out.

Anyway, I am of the opinion that if you love someone, you do everything in your power to make them the best version of themselves that they can be. Above all, you ought to ensure they are happy.

In this I think my friend from Jack's and I would be in agreement.

But where I think we would disagree is at what point you draw the line betwixt providing for a love's happiness and seeing to your own happiness.

So to review: either I was lied to and the person I was to meet just plain old doesn't want to hang out; or the person I was to hang out with is so immesurably, deeply in love that any possibility of causing discomfit to the significant other in his or her life would be a pure crime; or the significant other is impossibly insecure and so has created a black hole relationship that swallows up any possibility for the bright star that is the new friend I made at Jack's and was to hang out with today of making any new friends.

In closing, I realize I should be careful. After all, I can't exactly judge a relationship for which I'm entirely ignorant of its complexities and particulars. Yet I can't help but wonder: what price, happiness?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Day 152 - 157: Of Falons, Flugtags and Fail

Tuesday, June 1st to Sunday, June 6th, 2010

Falon is a handful. She's tiny, but a handful. She's a devil because with her it's details galore and I haven't even scratched the surface of who she is or what she's about. Details follow:

Look for the type-face font, all lower case in classic black tattoo ink on the top of her left wrist: it spells out a single word. "live." ...if memory serves.

Identify her friends as the ones that have the same style of tattoo, but with a different word for each woman.

See the Betsey Johnson earrings she wears: a tiny dark-bejeweled skull, with an almost invisible pink ribbon adorning the top of the skull, one on each ear.

Compared to those earrings, the brightly-bejeweled Hello Kitty bracelet on her right arm practically shouts out its presence, with Kitty's head big around as a half-dollar coin.

Fallon likes skulls. In her words: "I have a skull fucking fetish."

Make sure you read that right, Dear Reader. That's "fucking" as in "wow, that's fucking awesome!" (i.e., for emphasis) and not as in the act of fucking a skull.

Tonight Fallon had an hour and a half long case of the hiccups. I didn't have the heart to try and scare her out of them, even though she kept asking me to.

Fallon knows how to make herself comfy. She can take her socks and laced up shoes right off without using her hands. But she's not so good at putting them back on after 3 a.m.

Luckily helping a woman put her shoes on is something I learned to do a long time ago. It was nice to put the skills back into practice before getting Fallon into the truck and on the road back to Jack's.

Fallon is good at alliteration, too. For example, she uttered the following F-Bomb triple pack on the way back to Jack's from Thunder and Crystal's place: "Fuck you, fucking fuckers!"

To be clear, she was speaking in the general direction of a certain SJPD patrol car that was busy ignoring traffic lights a half block in front of us as I drove down Taylor.

She also has a very pretty belly button. I bet she can't remember when she showed me, or why. ;)

Falon has a taste for chicken nuggets and is not afraid to holler at you in order to get your attention. I am certain I'll see her at Jack's again, and I can't wait, because she's awesome.

In case you need further evidence of this fact: you may recall all the way back on Day 1, where I described a group of women who bought and tried on Jack's tank tops, with one of them changing in the bar while the rest went in back to put there's on? The "one" was Fallon.

She asked me then if I danced, and I said no (needed to be way more drunk to dance). Because of that question (and for a few other reasons) that's what I'm going to do next year: 365 days of learning how to dance.

She's a bartender, can pace you shot for shot and knows how to dance. Her sister is very talented too.

She's left her mark on me. So, like I said, she's awesome. Meet her, if you get the chance.


Hardcore Braves Fan was at Jack's on Sunday the 6th. He sat at table 2 and I sat with him. He was busy watching game two of the Lakers - Celtics championship series and casually mentioned he'd run a triathlon this morning.

Yep, chill as can be.

Soon as he said it I looked at him for visible signs of tiredness, but he wasn't showing it. No rings under his bright blue eyes, no slow movements when he got up to get another beer. Hellz if I'd just run one of those I'd be at home sleeping the rest of the day, I'm sure of it.

When asked, Hardcore Braves Fan made it clear he was tired, but not so tired he couldn't go to the bar for a couple beers and watch some sports. I'd like to be in that good a shape.


Have you seen the new art at Jack's? It's awesome.


You can buy sponsorships for the Jack's Flugtag team. $20 gets whatever you can fit on a slip of paper (more or less), with that phrase printed on a t-shirt with the Jack's logo and other sponsor's messages for the Jack's Flugtag Team.

The T-Shirts themselves will be priced at $10, with proceeds going towards financing the Team's trip to Long Beach in August. Look for the Whiskey Avengers to make a showing at Jack's in support of the Team too, or so I hear.


Saw Gabby on Sunday as I was leaving Jack's. She was dressed in black and looked painfully pretty.

Oh, yeah: Sunday fail. I'm sorry, Wendy. I really am.


See you Monday, so we can do this all over again. Take care until then, Dear Reader.