Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Day 89 - A Simonette By Any Other Name...

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Tuesday was a nighttime visit to Jack's Bar & Lounge. I walked in expecting to see Travis. What I didn't expect to see was Simonette behind the bar.

Now Simonette is not new to the bar scene, having worked with the likes of Shannon in the past downtown.

And I'll say this for her: not only is she devastatingly pretty, but as soon as my first beer was done she appeared like a bolt out of the blue to ask me if I was ready for another.

Yep, she's a keeper.

Dear Reader, you can expect to see Simonette and Travis on Tuesdays for the foreseeable future. When you get a chance, stop by on Tuesday nights and say hello. You be glad you did.

See you Wednesday at Jack's for Travis' and Tanisha's dual birthday party bash. Come early or I'll probably be too faded drunk to remember you when I see you.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Day 88 - Car Crashes and Not A Cherry Tree

Monday, March 28th, 2010

Monday was real easy. Step off the CalTrain, hop in the truck, make a wee stop at the bank on Coleman, then head right on over to Jack's Bar & Lounge, all while listening to Through The Fire And Flames by Dragonforce.

It was like someone was getting married at the bar, what with all the pink and white petals strewn about on the floor from the Not A Cherry Tree (but we don't know exactly what kind of tree it is) outside. The floor was covered in petals all the way from the mat at the entrance to its cousin at the back door.

I imagined invisible faeries playing like the little kid that always does the flower petal tossing at weddings. How else could the petals get so far in?

Thoughts off faeries and wedding bells aside, it was pretty tame in the bar. Nothing magical beyond Aimee B. bartending and Jessica sitting at the top of the L-shaped bar.

I remember that when I gave Jessica a hug in greeting, she pressed the side of her face up against mine and I could actually feel the crunch through her jaw as she chewed on some goldfish. That was interesting.

Jessica sat next to Travis, who was still around from the end of his noontime shift, while Grady, Jerry and Wes filled in the center of the bar with me on the corner, plus a couple at the foot of the L, closest to the door, whom I'd not seen before.

They kept to themselves, this couple, and seemed somewhat bored. They sipped on drinks the color of San Jose Sharks teal.

Nobody that I asked could identify what kind of tree stands out front of Jack's, though all were in agreement that it wasn't a cherry tree. Which is to say you don't need to know what something is to know what it isn't.

Travis said that sometime tomorrow he'd check with Amy from the beauty salon next door to Jack's and have an answer for me the same day. Hope that actually works.

A few minutes later a dude I've not seen before walked in. Right behind him came Old School Doug and just like that the bar stools were pretty much all in use.

Even Old School could not tell me what kind of tree is outside, which just goes to show you that old people do not in fact know everything.

For the record, I'm turning 36 next week, so I'm fully aware that younger people are more likely to make that mistaken assumption when they ask me questions I have no fucking idea of the answer to.

And also for the record: as far as birthday presents go, I prefer hugs and kisses from the ladies and the chance to drink with the fellas (and the ladies too).

Travis is turning forty-something this week (you are coming to Jack's on Wednesday to buy him a drink and celebrate, yes?) and of course he's the exception to the old people rule above. That is, he has an answer for everything. It may not technically be the right answer, but I guarantee you, Dear Reader, it will be an entertaining answer; one that might just involve you.

Which is to say that in another life Travis was in fact a Zen Master.

But back to Doug. He did fill me on what the contents of all the orchards were in what's now northeast San Jose, up Taylor near White Road. Also around Center and Monterey roads too. Pears for miles, back then.

Speaking of driving miles and miles: Wes is using up his nine lives faster than a cat let loose in the middle of a busy freeway. I'm real glad he's OK, since a few seconds either way would have made a huge difference in his well being.

Word to the wise from me to you, Dear Reader: If you're ever in Merced, what you might think of as a four way stop could in fact be a no way stop. Best to slow down at all the intersections, if you know what I mean.

My beer went away real quick (damn faeries--bunch of beer-thieving alcoholics, all of them).

I said goodbye to the regulars and the couple (I chatted with the dude very briefly about the color of his drink; used it as a segueway into Sharks talk, even, but he seemed like he was winging it...probably a baseball fan...about the only inspired thing he said was that the Sharks are outperforming both the Warriors and the Raiders) and gave Travis a ride home.

You can see Travis back at the bar later tonight -he'll be on the door- when reggae gets under way.

You can see me tomorrow at Jack's, but later at night as I'm off to a pre-screening of Clash of the Titans with Wendee right after work. (Ha ha :p)

Take care until then, Dear Reader. Hope to see you Tuesday at Jack's!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Day 87 - I Love This Bar

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

Went to the Shark's game and enjoyed watching them defeat the Colorado Avalanche, 4-3.

After dropping off the last of our group of friends, I made my way to Jack's for a much needed beer. Going to have to drag those guys to Jack's one of these days.

Inside I found thirteen people at the bar and Matt behind it. Best part of the night was when Jazmine played I Love This Bar by Toby Keith on the jukebox. "If you get too drunk just sleep out in your car" ...yeah, I've done that.

It's good to know a group of people and just be able to hang with them: Whether Sailor Tod, Robert and Jerry later in the night, Shannon and Lisa before they left for home, or Jazmine, Dark Haired Jessica and Travis in a peripheral sort of way.

Travis' birthday is coming up next Wednesday. Be there at Jack's, or forever regret missing a night of pure awesome.

I'd have liked to stay later, just to drink more and entertain the possibility Stephanie might show up, but the need to get home and get ready for work on Monday couldn't be avoided, so home I went after three beers.

Thanks for reading, Dear Reader. Come on down to Jack's Bar & Lounge sometime and let me know when you'll be there so we can share a drink together and share stories with one another.

See you Monday at Jack's.

Day 86 - DJ Qbert and Jim Marshall

Saturday, March 27th

Post-Jack's closing I found myself at a house down the street, consuming homemade macaroni and cheese with buttermilk and water. As good as that was, the fact that the most beautiful woman in the bar made it for me made it that much better.

ACME you are one lucky man, if you ask me.

I remember the woman in the white one piece strapless skirt, with patterns of black and red on the front and back that looked like the jumbled up image of any of the four queens you can find in a deck of cards. She wore long suede stilleto heels that went up past her knees, but that still left plenty of room for leg to show before her skirt got started on covering up the rest.

Not that it did much more than shape the curves right underneath it as she moved about the bar like a python, daring anyone to get too close.

For all that, she wasn't the most beautiful woman in the bar. Maybe the sexiest, if you go on raw looks alone. But no, not the most beautiful.

I spoke to two people at the bar tonight, each of which shared a similar experience. What type of experience? The kind where you go to your idol's home. Where you visit them one on one and come away a better person for the experience.

One man I talked to went to DJ Qbert's house. He got to jam with Qbert on The Octagon. From this man I learned the term "biting", which is to directly sample something from someone else and use it as is, without making it your own. Sort of the street version of plagiarism, and you will get called on it if you do it.

The other man I spoke to visited Jim Marshall's house before he died. He got to see numerous of Marshall's rock and roll photos and even came away with one, as a gift.

What struck me in talking with these two men seperately over the course of the night was how similarly passionate each man was in relating the experience of having one on one time with their respective idols.

I count myself lucky to be able to hear these stories and sit with such interesting people.

I hope to learn more about you the next time you come to the bar, Dear Reader. It doesn't matter if you've been to your idol's house or not. All that matters is you, just as you are.

See you Sunday at Jack's.

Day 85 - The Days All Bleed Together

Friday, March 26th, 2010

I was at Jack's on Friday. Honest. Just don't remember all that much. Well, I do remember some, but it's disjointed and broken up. Not the best stuff to write from.

I remember Fremont Matt grabbing my beard again, hard. I think if he does that again I might just knock him the fuck out.

See you Saturday at Jack's.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Day 84 - No Fancy Titles

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Quotes of the day:
"Nice balls, Jeremy" -Travis
"I haven't eaten balls, but my mom has." -Unknown
"Do dolphins have knuckles?" -Travis

Today, Thursday, saw the end of project 'Try it Grant's way'.

You see, my housemate bit on an offer of a free ticket to the Shark's game and asked me to give him a ride up there. Being the obliging sort, I obliged him.

After dropping my roomy off, I found myself in my truck as a sea of teal and white walked by. I knew I couldn't go into the Shark Tank, but I didn't want to leave all the people behind, either.

Thus I resolved to go downtown to have a drink and maybe a bite to eat and watch the game. I regarded my choices from the parking garage side of San Pedro street. The Old Wagon Saloon beat out Firehouse and in I went.

A turkey burger and 32 ounces of beer later and I'm off to Jack's by truck, with Laser Man in the passenger seat. Earlier Laser Man sat down next to me just a few minutes after I walked in to the Wagon.

At Jack's, we sat down on either side of Tod and Jimmy and proceeded to get our drink on properly. Travis provided us with a round of shots to get things started right.

Wendee came in after awhile, then Stephanie and her coworker Alex. Things didn't go too well with Wendee thanks to my trusty ability to verbally dig myself into a very deep hole, but I did have a very nice conversation with Stephanie, and I sure did appreciate that outfit she wore because I got to see more of her and she looked fantastic.

I like learning about her, one day at a time.

Mental note: be ready the next time a woman says, "Ask me anything you want." Not sure how I can avoid becoming temporarily unable to think if such a woman follows up her offer with a giant smile.

Stephanie's smile just grabs me. Wendee's smile does that to.

And of course all the smart-to-ask questions waited to bubble up into my conscious at exactly the point where Stephanie left for the night. All the how-to-get-in-her-pants questions popped up too, to be entirely too honest.

Now that I think about it, it's a miracle I can take my own pants off some nights, much less find my way into anyone else's. That probably explains why I sleep in my pants after a heavy night at Jack's.

Irony always lurks like a judge, waiting to balance the scales.

I just remembered: it's way more fun to watch someone draw a picture than it is to see the finished product. Seems totally random, Dear Reader? Well it's not, if you know who at the bar draws really well. I know just such a person.

Met a man named Oasis, who'd just come over from 7 Bamboo. His head seemed rather large on his shoulders, but I didn't tell him that. Also met a beautiful woman named Christina and her friend with the San Jose Firefighter's Car Show Get Together shirt.

Christina introduced herself to me after Wendee chatted her up about me and the blog. Good looking out, Wendee!

When Christina left for the night she had her hair down, whereas earlier in the night it was up. I remember introducing Oasis to Christina and he dared to kiss the top of her hand. Braver than me, that's for sure.

Outside I ran into a woman who I haven't seen in almost ten years. We worked together in the Deli at Booksmart in Morgan Hill when she was still in High School. Would've loved to chat with her and catch up, but her boyfriend forgot his ID so no drinky for them.

Back inside the bar, the men's room was full of surprises. For example, someone took the time to tag the side of the toilette in big black permanent marker. We're talking not quite graffiti level of coverage. Positively spider web looking if you let your eyes go unfocussed a little bit when you look at it. The head of the urinal was also tagged as well. I don't care who claims it: I'm still pissing in it.

Robert came in after work and showed me the 305 pictures on his phone. If you're ever on the top level of a parking garage in downtown San Jose, spent a moment taking in the view. If Robert's pictures are any indication, it's pretty awesome.

ACME, Bang-Bang! and Katie came in much later. Thanks as always to the brothers Magnusson and Katie for their kindness, generosity and concern that I get home safe.

It was either Katie or Travis who declared Totino's pizza rolls are officially a fourth food group in their house. Not sure how the subject came up.

Same is true for why women call each other up to discuss their latest bowel movement, whereas men are more practical and just take pictures to share later. Sometimes you fall into the middle of a conversation whether you want to or not.

Like every Thursday, Matt was behind the bar and all was well. Tonight, Travis was on the door for good measure.

See you Friday night at Jack's!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Day 83 - Go 50 Miles North, Then Figure Out What's For Dinner

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Day three of 'try things out Grant's way' and this walking and not driving thing is turning out for the good, methinks.

Been watching this family + helpers + neighbors work on their front yard each time I walk by. They're not exactly moving at warp speed, but they got all the grass moved out, put a fountain in and hooked it up to a water line and have the walkway to their front door done.

The air smells good. I don't know the names of the trees or the flowers that I can smell, but I know which blocks smell more alive than others. You really notice it most when the wind blows down the numbered streets at each intersection on Taylor. The wind always comes up this time of year just as the sun starts its descent.

Jack's was pretty alive today too. Aimee B. was behind the bar and wore black in such a way that it made me think funeral fashion, or the impossible fusion of Goth and Rockabilly styles. More precisely: black half-sleeve Jack Daniels t-shirt, tattoos, bluejeans and a black flower in her hair to set it all off just right. Fucking awesome.

Tables 1, 3 and 5 --I number the tables that run along the back wall now 'cause it makes it easier to remember stuff-- were occupied, two men at each. There were about eight people sitting at the bar, for a total of fourteen + the bartender and myself.

Of these, seven faces I recognized, the rest I did not. Oh, and Holly. Can't forget her. ;)

Holly made friends at the bar today with a gal who came in with Sergio. I like Sergio because not only is his hair so straight and black that you can get away with calling it "Raven Black", but because he looks a whole hell of a lot like Robert Trujillo from Metallica. Also fills in a Vikings jersey like a linebacker.

I sat between Christian and Laser man and it wasn't long before the subject of what to eat for dinner came up. This topic broadened to what to do with the rest of the evening.

The idea was put forth to go to San Francisco on the CalTrain, then figure out what to eat for dinner after disembarking.

When the question of where to go and eat in SF was asked, Julius' Castle (now closed, if Yelp is to be believed) and The Stinking Rose (of the sort of garlic insanity that would test the metal of a native Gilroy garlic fanatic) were suggested.

One bar patron put forth that the last time he'd gone to SF, they simply asked the cabbie to find them the best Chinese restaurant and take them there, and that's what happened. Total hole in the wall place and totally awesome food.

Gabby has had a run of bad luck and is on bike number four, the last three having been stolen. She showed me the lock her dad got for her and her new bike: burnished metal the color of brass, thick, rectangular and heavy. Her friend said that's the kind of lock they use on the anchor chains for Navy ships. Here's hoping #4 lasts.

Not much of my beer left when I came back in. Wes had to go and Jessica along with Holly not long after. Mark and Grady came in a bit later and I remember how when I shook Grady's hand while standing next to him he sort of pulled me towards him as part of the handshake. That dude is solid like a brick wall. Have to remember to stand firm next time.

Speaking of handshakes, I always notice how rough Travis' hands are when we shake hands. He has hands like my dad's: rough and caloused, with thick skin, as though he were always wearing a pair of gloves. This blog needs more Travis and I'm gonna have to sit him down so he can tell me the story of his hands: what work did he do that made them so rough? Those hands have followed Travis half way around the world and that's something worth writing about.

Between Grady and Travis sat Katy. Katy is the kind of woman that plays Dave Brubek so loud you can hear it out front of the bar when she pulls up to the curb, even if her windows are rolled up. I've run into her three times now (though I've seen, but not met, her plenty of times before at Jack's). She's yet another person I ought to get to know better.

They say men are visual creatures. See it, chase it, kill it. See it, jump on it, try to hump it. That sort of thing.

Caveman instincts aside, there's something to seeing an object or person later in the day and comparing it against similar from earlier in the day as part of the male-mind-catalog process.

For example, today at work there were a few holdovers from spring break still on campus. Of these, some were women -athletes, I'm guessing- who wore shorts and rode their bikes along the arcing paths on campus, gliding by like swans on the water.

At the bar, one of the women wore shorts and sat on a bar stool. When she walked, she moved as gracefully as the bike riders. On a bike, I imagine she'd outshine all those athletes.

Mark's birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday dude! Don't forget to yell "FOUR!!!" before you fire off a shot downrange.

And that's another day done at Jack's Bar & Lounge. See you Thursday around sunset, Dear Reader.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Day 82 - Shark's Win! (Finally) and Talking Andrzej Sapkowski

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

Walked to the bar again today for the second time in a row. Found Tanisha and thirteen patrons inside, of which there were several regulars and maybe three people I've never seen before.

Christian bought me my first round (thanks dude) and I sat down with Mark and co. to watch the Shark's take it to the Minnesota Wild. About the only thing nice as far as the Wild are concerned is that Owen Nolen (former Shark) is on their team. Otherwise: meh.

The bar filled up a bit as the game progressed. Eventually all five back wall tables were filled up. I moved over so two guys could take the last table and ended up sharing a table with Jim The Gamer.

After the game, Jim The Gamer and I talked about Google and his idea for a search engine that functions off of images and associated keywords.

Just upload an image (say of a flower for which you don't know the name) and add in a few choice keywords like "flower, San Jose, Bay Area, California" and the current date, then let the search engine index pictures of flowers uploaded by other people that include all or some of the same keywords and see if it can't just find out what kind of flower is in the picture you uploaded.

We also talked about gaming, in particular Shadow Run, Dungeons & Dragons and a fantasy setting created by Andrzej Sapkowski called The Witcher, which surprisingly enough to me is something I've never heard of (and I am nothing if not a fantasy roleplaying geek).

Jim was reading a novel by Sapkowski and went on for a bit with genuine gamer enthusiasm about the fantasy setting, the computer game and the fiction.

My walk home from the bar was extremely enjoyable. It's just so nice out right now. Not too hot and not too cold, with just enough of a breeze to make the flower petals fall from the cherry trees. They're so soft to the touch. Seeing Jessica in a blue summer dress wasn't too bad either.

See you Wednesday at Jack's!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Day 81 - Bachelor Parties and Blowjobs Declined

Monday at Jack's Bar & Lounge finds me sitting a few seats up from the corner of the bar. The sun is still up and Springtime is a total tease, what with the blue sky, pretty flowers, leaves budding and Stanford students (where I work) frolicking in bikinis so small I doubt I could tie my shoes with them.

Nobody was wearing bikinis at Jack's. Holly was the only one who was technically naked (in a furry animal sort of way) so of course I paid attention to her first. You would too, 'cause Holly is the bomb.

Aimee B. was behind the bar and she hollered my name and served me up a beer just like that. I love being a regular at Jack's. If ever I should find money from this blog, I'm sending it all my bartender's way (minus a few bucks for a Taco Bravo run).

I admit I snuck a few peeks at Aimee, but she's got that whole died-hair that looks like it's turning into sunset light as the sunlight shines into the bar from outside thing going on and it's pretty awesome. I think that might have been a run-on sentence too. Sorry Mr. Schultz (best 8th grade English teacher evar).

Serious for a moment: I can ride the warm fuzzy feeling from a genuine Aimee, Rina, Tanisha or Nicole smile pointed my way for a good long time after I walk into the bar.

So, I said hello and waived to folks as I sat down and I noted there were a few brand new old-school looking bikes parked inside the bar. One was outside too. I need me a bike.

Jessica was on her laptop on the short side of the L-shaped bar next to Wes and Jerry's rough, gravelly voice could be heard further up the bar to my right. Several other regulars were in attendance and nobody was at any of the island tables along the back wall.

Pretty soon Christian came over and sat next to me. We got to talking about the latest cell phone technology that integrates some sort of sliding finger movement to make texting faster (Christian pointed out the same commercial that was playing on a couple of the flat panels which showed this new gadget, but I always just missed it).

This got me thinking about using technology to create a raised surface on the flat face of a cell phone that could shape itself into Braille patterns that flow across the face of the phone like a digital LED readout.

Then Christian suggested something similar that could also call out to a blind person via the phone speaker (or Bluetooth headset, come to think of it) when they reach a destination or even just get too close to the curb on a street. Basically integrated GPS with a much higher precision in terms of pinpointing where the device (and the device owner) is at.

Then the conversation shifted to strip clubs (conversational right turns of that sort are not that uncommon at the bar), strip shows and lap dances.

This led to the relating of a tale by a bar patron about the wildest bachelor party this person had ever been to. It happened at an Elks Lodge if you can believe it and involved a pair of strippers who were supposedly sisters.

Now when I first heard this I thought "sistas" as in lovely black ladies; but no, sisters as in "We're related, isn't that kinky?"

So anyway, the bachelors all assembled as the sisters stripped and did a lap dance for the groom and then took his flaccid penis out to suck it. But already being drunk and embarrassed in front of his friends, the act didn't finish quite as planned.

After, the party goers were lined up in two groups to receive blowjobs in separate rooms from the ladies. As this story-telling bar patron was the best man, he got to go first.

Inside the room, the stripper was sitting on a chair and smoking a cigarette as loud music played from a boom box above her head.

Storyteller: No offence, but I really don't want a blowjob right now.

Stripper Sister: No offence, but I really don't want to give you a blowjob right now.

The stripper then suggested they turn the music up more, wait a few minutes, then Storyteller could walk out as he zipped his fly up and high fived all the drunken guys.

Storyteller said that was the best idea he'd heard all night and then did just that.

My one beer for the day didn't last much longer after that tale was complete. I said so long to Aimee and headed out the door to walk back up Taylor with Christian.

That reminds me: This is "Try it Grant's way" week. I'll be walking or otherwise taking public transportation to Jack's all week long, on Grant's sincere advice. Less likely to get a DUI, kill someone or kill myself that way.

See you Tuesday at Jack's!

Day 80 - Butterface, Butterbody and A Friendly Lecture From Grant

Sunday, March 21st

I've never had Persian breasts speak to me so forcefully before. I remember that much.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Day 79 - Slick Jimmy, Driving the Tod and Dancing with Rina

Saturday, March 20th

Alternate Title: I Didn't Want To Irradiate My Balls

No, really. I didn't want to irradiate them. Thanks to NPR I now know that cell phones operate via microwave radiation. The broadcast radiation heats up the water in your tissues just like the microwave at home will excite water molecules to heat up food.

I usually keep my phone in my front pants pocket when I'm at Jack's. That's now officially too close for comfort. My little swimmers don't need a sunburn, if you know what I mean.

So, no phone and no note taking while at the bar. That meant I missed Sugi's text invite to hang downtown at The Wagon and Firehouse. On the other hand I did get to see Tod's warehouse abode...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

If it's going to be a nighttime visit, the best time to come in is at the transition between the day bartender and the nighttime crew. Thus I arrived to see many people in the bar, but not too many, with Tanisha running things. I found Jimmy and Tod already deep into a few rounds --Tod was like ten feet deep, Jimmy still in the shallow end and I hadn't even got my feet wet yet.

The house was out of PBR on tap so I opted for a Blue Moon, which Jimmy nicely bought for me. Jimmy also bought a few rounds of shots and I got him back later that night. Bouncing beers off of each other (that is, you get this round and I'll get the next one) is fun, and also very enabling when you're in the mood to drink.  ;)

Not long after I arrived, Matt the Bartender arrived. A fist bump by way of greetings in lieu of a handshake, which was new. Jimmy told me his story of getting booted from Jack's for taking Tod's dare to see if he could do damage to the wood rail of the bar with his fist, how he broke his hand in the process (it's still broke) and how he ressurected his drinking priviledges after that.

We teased Tod about his manly looks and curly, Greek-statue sort of hair. This led to talk of naked statues and thus naked penises, which led to more general penis talk (Dear Reader, I have thus far spaired you the talk of penis that occurs at the bar seemingly every weekend, but no longer) and the determination that Tod is like a homing pidgeon: no matter how drunk he may be, he always finds his way home.

I could have let myself be content with this last, but seeing Tod very deep in the pool and recalling Gabby's words to me from last week ("Take care of him if you can. Keep an eye on him.") led me to offer him a ride home. Tod stood up and said he'd be fine, but with encouragement from Jimmy and me putting his arm over my shoulder, Tod and I moved like a three-legged race team out of the bar and to my truck.

Tod's place is a warehouse, it's awesome and I could see how bottle rockets would have plenty of room to fly inside. I liked the toilet seat screwed to the wall, the various signs, the couches and how comfy it all looked. Tod nearly brained himself on one of the coffee tables after stumbling into his place, but he caught himself at the last moment. We talked a bit about the place, then I excused myself. Beer still waiting for me at the bar after all.

Back at the bar and Jenny, Rebecca and Brooke were gone.

Before taking Tod home, I watched their purses at their table at Jenny's request, so they could go smoke.

Jenny has a commanding voice. Somewhere she learned the perfect pitch and tone that a mother uses to get a child's attention. It's also the kind of voice that can cut through heavy bar chatter and loud music without actually overpowering the louder sounds. She called my name with that voice and this was how she got my attention and I was up on my feet and moving towards her before I knew what the hell I was doing.

Before that, she told me that it's never best to judge someone from just a look, as we walked back into the bar together. There are in her words "ten thousand" questions to ask first.

Before that, when Jenny and I were outside, I asked her if she could help me learn to speak clothing. We had a fast lesson on the difference between heels, flats and sandals. What I thought were sandals on Jenny's feet were in fact heels, since they had about a half-inch rise on them. Then I learned that in Canada they don't use salt on the roads to help clear ice. Instead they use sand, which just like at the beach gets everywhere and is really rough on toes. Jenny's toes in this case.

Before that, I learned a bit about how women function in pairs and what really goes on in the ladies room.

For the first topic, women watch out for each other at a club or bar or wherever but also give each other enough space to operate solo. I learned that if two or more women are out and about, and are also married, then they're partners to each other. If they're not married, then the term wingman is more apt.

For the second topic I'd figured women just used the bathroom breaks to fish for compliments and reassurances from each other. Not always so! Instead, questions are posed like "Are you OK?" and "Where are you at?" The women that are part of the group but don't ask the "How are you?" type questions are not the best to hang with, nor the safest.

Before that Jenny informed me Rebecca would be coming out soon. As if on cue Rebecca shot out of the bar like a concerned parent, her eyes scanning to the gas station that sits on the opposite corner of the 4th and Taylor intersection from Der Wienerschnitzel, looking for Jenny. She moved so fast she didn't even see Jenny and me just to her left as she walk/rushed out the door.

Before that I went to the Happi House parking lot, where I'd just put my phone in my truck (I had my phone on me when I walked into the bar, but after remembering the NPR broadcast from earlier today I went right back outside to drop it off). On the short walk back across the street, I saw Jenny standing to the right of the bar entrance, cigarette in hand, looking fantastic in jeans that fit the lines of her legs and shaped her behind, and a faded brown California state t-shirt.

Time to pause and eat breakfast/lunch. Back for more, including:

Tanisha's laptop. A quote: I'm not pregnant, just retaining water. Salt on the neck of her Corona. Lick the neck and have a swallow of beer. Jimmy was far more entranced by this than I was.
Cynthia from Sweden, her shaven headed date (not from Sweden but like Norway or something) and their friend who was from Sweden also. They said Jack's is an improvement over Linda's Lightrail Lounge.
Trapps stepped out to give Vex1(?) some time behind the turntables and he played throwback early 90s tunes that led to dancing with Rina as she moved out from behind the bar and grabbed my hand.
Couldn't go home for all the police cars around Happi Lot. Alternated to Dennys which James Bang-Bang! reminded me was in fact iHop. Lolz someone should deffinitely not be driving right now anyway.
Red dominos at table 1.
Outside with Megan, flourescent shoelaces, layered shirt and matchign earrings.
Lots of females at teh bar and Jimmy was a happy camper.
Rina and Matt. Rina's halter top.
Run the spell checker lolz.
And the ending (already written): Not bad for not having my Blackberry to take notes with, eh? See you Sunday at Jack's!

Day 78 - Snoozing In The Foster's Parking Lot

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Day 77 - Cowboy Boots and Cat's Eyes

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

Scars are like cat's eyes: they both shine in the light of passing cars.

One scar in particular sat high up on a woman's chest, just below her left collarbone. It reflected the light of the streetlamps and cars, the reflection making it stand out on her smooth skin.

It looked precise, like a medical scar. Small, maybe an inch long. That scar tripped me up mid-conversation with her, but let's leave my verbal fumbles out of this for now.

The scar was flanked by the strap of her summer dress. The dress itself was not quite black, not quite brown. In the harsh red light of the jack's sign, it looked the color of heart's blood.

She wore three hairpins that I could count, visible over the part in her hair on the left side of her head, and she never seemed to let her cigarette stay in her mouth. Not that she wore any lipstick to smudge it with.

She always kept that cigarette in her right hand. I'd have forgot the tattoo below her right wrist otherwise.

Her left side wasn't done telling me things. The heart tattoo on her left arm, for example, wreathed in what looked like blue flame.

There was more symmetry to her when she walked up to the cherry tree, nose pointed to the sky so she could regard the white-pink flower blossoms the tree would soon start to shed next week.

Her dress was all parallel lines, the back side of it drawing a straight line from shoulder blade to shoulder blade as it wrapped around her torso. A similar line where her dress ended, right about at her knees.

From where I stood I could see the skin of her legs beneath her dress and a matching pair of tattoos, both looking fresh and new, on the muscle of each calf.

Beneath the tattoos she wore cowboy boots.

Imagine her as I've described her, Dear Reader, standing under the blossoming tree, in that dress, with those boots on. Perfection.

Ras Dank agreed with me on that point much later in the night, after she'd departed with her friend.

I happen to know that friend's engaged so I'm curious how she knows him.

They say San Jose is the 10th largest city in the country, but from where I'm sitting it sure seems small. Circles of friends run pretty tight out here, circles of acquaintances even tighter, as spending time at Jack's keeps teaching me day after day.

What I'm having a hard time learning is that it's easy to assume you've got something figured out, when in fact you don't. It's not easy to sit back and let the world explain itself to you, one moment at a time.

Or I could just ask ten thousand questions, per Jenny's advice.

But hey, I do have all year. ;)

Aside from the woman who walked up to the tree (like I did, a few moments before her), there was lots of fun had with Tod and Mark (Tod, speaking to Mark: I value my belly button lint more than I value your ex girlfriend), as well the arrival of Bang-Bang! and ACME, one wearing all black and the other all white, which reminded me of Spy vs. Spy.

I got John to point this out (I'm not that brave) and ACME swiftly replied, "Yeah, and you never know which one's going to hit you first."

See why I'm not brave? That would have intimidated me right out of the bar. ;)

I took the last of my notes on the night as I watched Gabby leave for home. I sad goodnight to Eva and Sean, then walked across the street to the Happi House parking lot where my truck was parked next to The Rock.

As I drove up Taylor, I saw all the barricades out in front of Cielito Lindo and for just a moment they looked to me like rejects from the Queen of Heart's army of cards, all standing around like construction workers, doing nothing.

Then I thought about how she always looms so large in my vision whenever I see her, but whenever I give her a farewell hug, she feels so tiny in my arms. Women are impossible like that.

See you Friday at Jack's, Dear Reader. Take good care until then.

Day 76 - Saint Patrick Kicked My Ass

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Day 75 - The Golden Scorpion

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

I ran into Patty at the Train Station today and offered her a ride home. After showing me around her legendary house (where many a bartender hibernates during the day) we chatted a bit and she asked me to say hello to Shannon and Lisa at Jack's Bar & Lounge later tonight when I headed over there.

About a half hour after my visit with Patty, Ras Dank and their cat was concluded, that's exactly what I did.

Shannon and Lisa had a laugh when I told them "Hello from Patty, because she knows you'll be here."

Shannon and Lisa were interviewed by Aimee B. today at their newly renovated house. The subject was Shannon and Lisa's thoughts on going to Mexico after the recent violence there. If Aimee's teacher picks her interview it could end up as a clip on CNN. Good luck Aimee!

Speaking of Shannon: I got the skinny on his golden scorpion necklace. Turns out it's his zodiac sign. Like me, Shannon only has one tattoo on his top left arm. His of a scorpion, mine of the Gangrel vampire clan symbol (wolf's head).

If you read the blog regularly, you know that I find Lisa to be extremely attractive and beautiful. But she is in fact One of Three. Having now met all of her sisters, I'm upgrading them all to Borg status, since just like Seven Of Nine, all three are hot.

I chatted with Christian today about different frame rates for movies. Did you know in the old days frame rates were 30 per second? In Europe they're 25 per second. Also there are machines that function at 23.9 frames per second (I think for HD).

We chatted about purchasing bikes. You can get to downtown in like 7 minutes from Jack's on a good bike. Time to invest in one, methinks. Wonder if I ought to get a used police bike on the (relative) cheap?

On their trip, Christian and Jenny met their friend who plays the lawyer on the Scrubs television show (and who is in real life nothing like the character, btw). Christian recollected for me what it was like to live near Mann's Chinese theater and watch all the people look up and take pictures while he tried to navigate through the crowds just to get to Subway. "No thanks, I'm a local," was said often to hawkers of maps. Eventually they figured out he was a local and let him be.

3 tall kegs were sitting in the alcove just before entrance into the back hallway. Didn't get to see what was in them. Didn't get to talk to Jason today either.

Lindsay came in at the last minute with virtually no voice, poor thing. I bought her a beer and made sure to tell her she looked great (which she did, red lipstick and all). Lindsay's napkin notes to me and Christian follow:

Wished I could have stayed longer, but it was off to Cosco with me for some relatively crowd-less bulk grocery shopping. Why do I go on a weekday? Because shopping at Cosco on the weekends is a lot like driving to and then walking around the Raiders stadium on opening day, i.e. crowded as shit and you take your life into your own hands for a minimal reward.

Shouldn't forget Tanisha's no-look service ftw*. I hadn't even sat down before she had a beer for me. You fucking rock, Tanisha.

Nor should I forget the pretty woman with the red button up blouse with white floral print pattern. Extremely pretty and not unafraid to rearrange her blouse like someone adjusting the socks on his or her feet. Lots of that went on today.

See you on Saint Patty's Day at Jack's!

*Mom: that means "For The Win"  ;)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Day 74 - Choices Made and Not Made

Monday, March 15th

I'll say this for lessons learned at Jack's Bar & Lounge: when you know lots of people you better come to the bar ready to socialize.

I was most certainly not in a socializing mood when I walked into the bar around 9-ish tonight.

When the urge to talk did come up, the people I hoped to speak with were occupied or otherwise chatting with others.

Fortunately Jason, Anurag and later Waukeen were around and didn't mind the fact that I didn't have all that much to say.

Jason's spirits were raised thanks to some good news today. I hope that's only the start of good news for him.

Waukeen was in a good mood because he started his day shifts again at County. If I ever end up in jail, I hope he's the guard on my cell block.

As for Anurag: he's off to India in a week or so to start the process of an arranged marriage and will be gone for three weeks at the start. I don't think he'll be full on married by then; instead he'll be looking at up to three candidates. I need to get more details.

I can see he's worried, but also excited. I mentioned to him that I hope he finds an exciting, intelligent woman who keeps him on his toes and makes good babies. He mentioned that he hoped she was horny, so we toasted to that.

Christian was back from his LA trip with Jenny and I almost didn't recognize him with his glasses on. Congrats on winning another gig dude!

There was a Stephanie sighting. She was there to meet a dude whom I took an instant disliking too, just because he was there. ;)  We could have hung out last night, but I had my fun (and then some) by choosing an alternate path, and hope she had a good night last night too.

I need to find a way to get some sit-down time with Stephanie, away from the bar, as I have many questions to ask her. Who does she think would win in a Batman vs. Captain American brawl? What's her chief complain about men and the dating scene? Is she willing to forgive a brown belt and black shoes faux pas?

Same goes for Patty too, for the love of Pete! (Dear Reader: Patty and I have been trying and failing to hang out together outside of Jack's for at least a year now).

Patty was there with Ras Dank, both of them behind the turntables and Dank had his shit together tonight. The music was awesome.

Tall Nicole was behind the bar and looked fantastic. She'd dyed her hair a darker color recently and that rainbow-like belt she was wearing was awesome. She wasn't impressed with the basketball fans (Nicole likes three sports: hockey, hockey and hockey), though I have to say Golden State played a great game vs. the Lakers.

Old School Doug was out pretty late. I didn't get a chance to talk to him before he left. Same for Grant.

Did speak with Aimee and Travis about last night's Tres Gringos adventure though. Man that was fun. I missed out on the females vs. dwarf wrestling in 45 pounds of cooked Top Ramen though. As I understand it post match the dwarf was puking, one female was bleeding and the other freaking out because she was breaking up with her boyfriend.

And that's another night at Jack's. See you Tuesday!

Day 73 - It's Not Just A Blog, It's An Adventure

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

The reason Aimee didn't win the head count contest is because the money taker/head counter can only count to Tres (Gringos, that is).

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Day 72 - Birthdays and Bloody Head Wounds

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

Some pictures from Crystal and Thunder's near-simultaneous blackouts outside Jack's. Note I didn't use a flash and was hugely nervous about taking the pictures.

Now, though, I wish I'd used a flash and got right in close to catch all the blood.

That said, I won't mind one bit if there's never a next time.

Blurry shot of Thunder, on a back board and ready for transport

Crystal, already in the ambulance

Sugi in the foreground, Wendee and Superman (the dude who got Thunder upright and kept him stationary while applying pressure to Thunder's considerable head wound – he has a Superman belt buckle, thus the nickname) in the background

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Day 71 - Friday With Starbuck

Friday, March 12th, 2010

OK so Friday started later than normal for me. The last couple of Fridays have found myself with Sugi at Jack's around 8:30 to 9:00 pm, just before DJ Vagabond, DJ Overflo and DJ B Rich arrive to start their setup process for the night's music.

Tonight I landed at Jack's at 10:00 pm, to meet up with Lindsay aka Starbuck (Sugi was at work and could not attend).

Let you in on a secret: I don't like going to Jack's late at night on Friday and Saturday and here's why: It's crowded as hell inside the bar.

This is good for the bar. More $ and all that. And in all fairness to Jack's, they've opened up the back patio for the past several weeks and lessened the pressure of bodies in the bar (though on some open patio nights it's still crowded as fuck inside), but I'm still not keen on 'starting late'.

Nevertheless, Lindsay picked the time and so that's when I'd arrive.

Tonight I found Ras Dank at the door and Charlie behind the bar. Jack's was full of humans and the back patio wasn't open yet (turns out it wasn't going to be opened tonight at all) and I couldn't even see Lindsay sitting at the bar for all the people inside.

I might have found her eventually, but ran into Gary and his fiancé Patty at one of the wall tables (under the Serendipity print, actually) which ended up working out for the best as that's where Lindsay and I hung out for most of the rest of the night.

Gary pointed out Lindsay to me at the bar. She was wearing a leopard print hoodie, had on a gold necklace of what looked like the outline of a dove (I wanted to check further, but didn't want to be caught basically staring at her chestal region), tight black pants and sneakers. Her fantastically blond hair was glowed like neon inside the bar and I said hello and gave her a hug as Gary and I moved up to the bar to order drinks.

That little table became our island in the sea of people in the bar, which only got more full.

At one point I went to get more beer for myself and Lindsay and spotted an open spot at the bar. Problem was there were three very tall men betwixt me and my opportunity to drink more. I sort of asked-walked through their personal space and got the spot before another pair of dudes could navigate to it. After Charlie served me up the beers I turned to go back through the tripartite gauntlet of man towers. One of them said to me, "You look like Zac Brown."

I paused, not knowing who this was. I responded to them that normally I get told I look like Yukon Cornelius. Then I said that being told I looked like Zac Brown was much cooler, even though I didn't know who the hell that was.

Pic of Zac Brown (of the Zac Brown Band), shamelessly stolen from the internetz:

On my way to a smoke break out front (that is, Lindsay smoked, I just stood there and looked awesome) I ran into the aforementioned DJs, shook hands and with them and Vagabond pointed out DJ Basura who was tearing it up. Once again it must be said that DJ Vagabond is one very friendly person. He'll chat with you and talk at length about what he does. I didn't get to talk to him all that much tonight, but he still made the time for a brief "who's who" and I appreciate it.

Outside, Lindsay and I got caught up and she tried to help me to learn to speak clothes. As woman walked in, I would tell her what I thought they were wearing and Lindsay would correct me.

I needed lots of correction. What I thought of as one of a pair of saddle bags, Lindsay said was a purse. What I thought of as a vertical striped tube top, Lindsay said was not a tube top, but just a plain old Zebra print top. Must remember that just because it's clingy (and just because the wearer has big boobs) doesn't automatically make it a tube top.

The only proud matching-clothes-to-words moment came when I correctly identified a t-shirt as a t-shirt. It was on a woman named Denise and it read "Real Women Drink Beer". Needless to say I took an instant liking to Denise.

Gary and Patty were ready to go early (they were planning to go to a wine tasting on Saturday) so they bugged out.

Back outside we met Markass (emphasis on the ass; also spelling like how he wants it pronounced) and I introduced him to Lindsay. He asked me if I was from south side. I said, no, I'm from Jack's. Markass and his buddy (the buddy I would later see peeing on the wall in the alleyway at close) talked more east side, west side, south side with two thin dudes in granola colored clothes that looked like they just came off the rack at some Santana Row store and I thought it was kind of funny how men, with a little drink in them, will posture up like that and somehow think they're being macho. Teh lolz.

I suggested to Lindsay that we go back to Taco Bravo (my treat) and she agreed. I can't remember how Charlie the bartender got word of this, but on the way to Taco Bravo Lindsay produced a $5 bill and informed me we needed to order Nachos with no onions for Charlie and we better not forget.

The food was glorious by fast food standards. The sauce was addictive. Lindsay will sip the sauce right out of the container. You might think that's gross, Dear Reader, but know this: I do it too. So there. ;)

We talked about Jack's and as it turns out the couple +1 friend next to us --and dressed not like the type I'd peg to be at Jack's-- attended the White Trash party at the bar last year. Small world.

Back at Jack's after our trip to Campbell, Lindsay and I chilled (damn near literally, it was bloody cold outside) and chatted.

I walked Lindsay to her car, then went back inside as Travis and Nicole arrived from Fat Cats.

Once inside I found Jack's to be much more empty and found Robert sitting alone at a table. I walked up and asked if I could sit next to him. He agreed and we spent the waning half hour close watching old black and white commercials which for the most part creeped me out. I could feel the bass vibrating my pants as Robert and I chatted.

Soon enough Ras Dank hollered out "BAR'S CLOSED!" and Robert and I got up to leave. I said thanks to Charlie and Jordan, thanks to Dank, thanked the DJs and walked outside. I gave Robert a farewell hug and then walked to my truck as Jorge and three buddies walk/ran to the bar to get a fast drink before closing. I hollered at Jorge to hurry it up as I walked across the street to my beautiful piece of truck machinery.

Inside my truck the cab warmed up as I spoke to Wendee on the phone for a bit. I watched the DJs load their gear, then watched a young blond woman walk confidently into the neighbor's yard to have a pee, then walk back out and into the street before her friend could wrangle her back on the sidewalk.

Blond peeing woman hailed every car that went buy as her friend finished pulling her pants up while trying to pull her hailing-hand down. Fortunately their cab arrived and the friend guided blond peeing woman's head into the cab like she'd just been arrested.

See you Saturday at Jack's! It's Sugi's pre-birthday party woohoo! Look for Me, Sugi, Wendee, Crystal and Thunder Saturday night.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Day 70 - Meh On Titles

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

@Jack's Bar & Lounge, post work and post work drama.

The bar was pretty packed today. The sun was up and there were around 37 people in attendance by my count. I'll say this for Tanisha, she knows how to draw a crowd and take good care of them.

Today Tanisha was showing a bit of her back as well as a bit of her front, which meant you could see the face inked into her back.

Not seen that face, Dear Reader? You could if you visited Jack's when Tanisha was working. Even so, that face is, as I've mentioned before, one that you can see when she's not there, if you know where to look in the bar.

Today there were lots of older adults at the bar. Like adult adults. The kind that wear business suits, business dresses (wtf do you call it, a power dress? help, oh people who speak clothing), have lines in faces, a few more wrinkles here and there, grayer hair and ooze wisdom.

I brought in a Metro with me and proceeded to read it while eating two Der Schnitz hot dogs and felt totally bearded-homeless-person-invades-the-bar the whole time.

Fortunately my bar buddy Gary showed up. I haven't seen Gary in awhile and I miss him. He looked stressed, but also very relieved. Why I can't say, but it's news I'm happy to hear. He hasn't been on FB in like three weeks, took his lovely lady Patty to see the parents and told me his and Patty's non-verbal communication is way up. Like psychic up.

In between all this I traded texts with, and a phone call from, Wendee. (Hi!)

A woman buffeted me with her purse. A lot. It was a fashion disaster, that purse, looking like something made of floral and plant pattern fabric cut from old furniture (or worse, old luggage). So I took pity and did not ask her to quit from approximating a person with no sense of the concept of personal space.

Sometime later Tanisha turned the lights down, the Shark's pre-game show came on and Mark somehow didn't know about the blog? WTF?

Shannon's gold, scorpion-bedecked necklace made me think of the Scorpion King. Lisa's camouflage top made me think Lisa looks fucking awesome in a camouflage top. There is a new hot tub in their future, too. I hope to see all their work once it's done. Especially since I can congratulate them both and Andy, who also did some work there.

Speaking of which: it was good to see Andy. Also Tim. I like Tim's voice. It's the voice of a general from another era of time.

On my way out I said hello to and shook hands with Stubby Fingered Man (Day 55) --the only hands in the bar I've ever experienced a handshake with that are as rough as Travis' hands-- and I'm thinking I want to change his nickname from SFM to "Death Grip".

You see, although Death Grip doesn't crush your hand when he shakes it, you still get the feeling that this is what it's like for Superman to shake hands, i.e., he's consciously trying to hold back from turning one of your appendages into sauce.

I'm thinking I might go back later tonight. Matt's working and Matt's fucking awesome.

See you Friday at Jack's! It will be all I can do not to order a pitcher and drink the night away with Starbuck.

Until then take care, Dear Reader.

Day 69 - (Almost) Seven Times Ten Days!

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

So, it's day it's almost day 70. Pretty fucking awesome, if you ask me.

It's not like a day 100, which has three didgets, but it's still divisible by ten, so that's something.

Now in order to get to Jack's on Day 69, I had to.....
  • Drive home from the train station
  • Meet the lovley Wendee at my place, change my socks and try not to hack and cough myself to death as this cold tried its level best to kill me dead
  • Drive to the AMC Theater near the Great Mall, then watch Wendee get the call from her promoter/radio host/going to chat with Liam Neeson in LA a week from today about being Zues in the Clash of the Titans remake girlfriend* that the movie we're supposed to get free passes for is in fact in Saratoga
  • Decide to not fight commuter traffic all the way to Saratoga
  • Drive around San Jose -- dodging said commuter traffic just to get closer to home -- and then decide to take Wendee to a movie after all
  • Park downtown, go see Alice in Wonderland
  • Then drive to Jack's
At Jack's, Ed and Kieth aka Keith were drunk.  Well, Ed was awesome (don't try to high-five Ed, you can't win, ever) and Kieth was a little too intimidating with the ladies. I mean he was awesome too, like Ed, just faded a little too far to the left.

We ran into Wendee's co-worker (we'll call her Tagalog) that my bar chum (and this close to earning himself a PhD) Bang-Bang! wingmanned out of the way back on Day 35. She went after Wendee's boobies and, well, I kinda liked that (though Wendee was not pleased).

Out of a sense of fairness I insisted that Tagalog not ignore my manboobs, which were particularly warm and sweaty underneath a jacket and two layers of shirt. She felt me up anyway.

After that, I bought Tagalog a beer so I could clear the $10 minimum and Wendee and I could make our way home ASAP. Long day.

Rina was super busy behind the bar tonight. Ras Dank was on the door and DJ Benofficial was doing what he does best: spinning awesome tunes to the pleasure of the assembled masses. The bar was pretty full and Rina was zipping from one end to the other, fast as ever and with eyes in the back of her head.

Freshmen Crew are outshining the Legion of Superheroes on Wednesdays and Fridays.

Seems like the center table against the wall always attracts tattood females in the mood to show said tattoos. Tonight was no different.

Back Thursday at Jack's!

*She's picked her own bar-blog nickname, but she doesn't actually get to use it until she shows up at the damn bar and buys a drink. Minimum standards must be maintained. ;)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Day 68 - Caddyshack and Cold Wind

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Brr! It's cold in a cold-wind-blowing sort of way.

Dear Reader, I'm from Colorado, which means a wind that drops the temp to around 50 degrees is actually considered a warm breeze where I'm from. However, in an attempt to be more like my fello Kaliforneans (as Ahnold would say it), I'm making like I need to shiver to stay warm.

My cough continues unabated. I sound old, hacking and wheezing like I'm an extra in a movie that features sick homeless people. Thankfully Jack's Bar & Lounge was toasty warm. I walked in to sounds of Enter Sandman playing on the jukebox. There were eight people inside and Tanisha was behind the bar.

She served me up a PBR just-like-that and when I win the lottery it's $100 tips for that kind of service, which is equal parts top notch and awesome.

I couldn't tell if the lights were already dimmed inside the bar or if it was just that overcast outside to the point where there was no extra light to shine into the bar.

Caddyshack was playing on the middle flat screen and I reverted to mindless-ten-year-old-in-front-of-the-TV mode. The sounds of Dean and Jason chatting with Tanisha faded to the background of my consciousness as I'm Alright by Kenny Loggins (lala link) played in my head.

I watched Bill Murray go to war against the ever-dancing gopher, already knowing who would win, but was still thoroughly entertained.

One beer done, time for me to run. See you Wednesday at Jack's!

Note: if you read this today (Tuesday) don't forget Travis comes on at 9:00 p.m. Humor will ensue. If you need laugh-induced endorphins, go pay him a visit. Hellz I might just go back too.

Part 2: Bix Axe or Big Ass?

If you're Anurag and from India, it's Big Ass. If  you're Travis promising a birthday present to The Author, it's Big Axe, along with a red beanie.

Some dude thought Anurag was FOB (fresh off [the] boat) and tried to tell Anurag he'd call him "Hindi".

I said to Anurag that if the dude was gonna do that, then Anurag could call that dude "Juan" 'cause he's obviously Mexican.

Biatch. Don't mess with my people.

It was nice to meet Hilda. She's in her fourties but sure as hell didn't look over 40 to me. She was big and beautiful, just how I like 'em. Smart too. Spoke some Spanish so I busted mine out too. Bilingual women are awesome. She had eyes for Anurag so I stayed back.

Travis supplied me with beer, Sprite and Jack Daniels. I supplied Travis with cash on the bar. Keep the change dude.

The brothers Magnusson rolled in with Katy, and all was well. James Bang-Bang! wore a soft brown leather jacket. When you're impervious to the cold* like James, that's just how you do it. Katy will have an awesome grandmother voice. I'm sure of it.

Thanks Anurag for playing Metallica (One and Whiskey in the JarO), for letting me buy you a Jack and Coke and for putting up with me saying "indeed" all the time. I only do it to piss you off. Fucking Britishers! :)

Watching Travis as he watches TV, it's like watching a five year old with his hands in his pajama pockets, his head tilted to one side slightly (except that this five year old can in fact kill you - but does not mind if you watch him at work; in fact, he likes it).

Late night adult cartoons are good for that, I suppose.

See you Wednesday at Jack's! Don't forget to tip your bartender too. Without them, where would we be?

*all my Facebook friends are complaining about the California "cold" weather today. I should rent my body out as a bed warmer. Signed attestations as to the efficacy of my bed warming skills are on file. I'm truly good at that sort of thing, especially on a night where I'm burning off alcohol supplied by Jack's.  By me a drink and take me home. I'm like a mobile fireplace.

Day 67 - Can You See Yourself In My Pants?

Monday, March something

For the record: I didn't actualy see myself in Jessica's pants. However if I did look, the small mirror on the back of her thong would reflect my ogling face right back at me. Then she'd pop the question that is the source of today's blog post title.

In addition to being Holy's mom, Jessica is someone I regard as awesome, though I basically don't know her all that well. Need to work on that.

Cadu is playing on my iTunes. I like playing music made by people I've hung out with at the bar. He performs locally, btw. Downtown SJ recently, if I recall.

So anyway, it was a pretty thongy sort of multi-part day at Jack's. Lots of movie talk in the first half of the trip. Jerry led the discussion by sheer dint of vocal power and Travis and Dean contributed as best they could to the discussion. Whenever I got out of line, Jerry palmed my bald head like Shaq grabbing a basketball and put me right back in line.

Then Jessica showed up and blew them all away. Especially with her Top 5 list generated in relatively no time at all (see below).

What do you think about a Tuesday movie night at Jack's? Travis is up for it. So am I.

After leaving Jack's and visiting downtown with Christian (thanks dude for dinner, drinks and good times at P.F. Chang's, Cinnebar and Fahrenheit!) I attempted some beer thievery to start the second half of the day (well, night) at Jack's.

Thankfully neither Black and Lacey (that's a thong description; try and keep up, Dear Reader) nor her date saw fit to bust my chops over it. They helped sort the hodgepodge of half-consumed drinks at the corner of the bar, taking their beer out of my hands and handing me mine. 

Now I can't remember if they stole our seats or if Christian and I stole theirs. Either way I had a chance to chat and look at thongs, so it's all good.

Black and Lacey is wise in the ways of Wines and Spirits (I have the cards to prove it) and has one of those impossible faces that doesn't actually need any hair to go along with it. This must sound crazy to you, Dear Reader, but I tell you such women exist. It's all in their face: expressive, with cheeks, chins,  noses, foreheads and lips that somehow communicate as much as a pair of eyes ever could.

I wonder if her date/friend/male wingman/whatever sees her the same way?

So, images of today's trip follow.

Starting with the receipt: Jessica's list of top 5 movies. Next, a condom pack "sex kit" that Christian found on the floor at Jack's (and that I'm irrationally afraid to open). Below that, a fortune cookie fortune from P.F. Chang's.

What are your Top 5 movies of all time, Dear Reader?

See you tomorrow at Jack's!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Damn......missed Stephanie. Life has given me all that I could want, but I still want something else. Damn riddles of life.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Day 66 - Shoulder Pad To The Face

Sunday, March 7th

A very brief visit to Jack's Bar & Lounge today. One that occured after a long morning and afternoon working on the yard (mowing, weeding, planting tomatoes and cucumbers), as well as a brief trip to Wendee's work to return her license, which found its way from her pocket to my wallet Saturday night.

The bar was empty when I walked in, with two 89 cent chili dogs from Der Wienerschnitzel in hand. Tall Nicole was working the bar today. Did I ever tell you how pretty she is? Well, she's just beautiful.

I came in as she was watching Marc Savard of the Boston Bruins get removed from the ice on a stretcher after a particularly vicious hit by Matt Cooke of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Later Nicole mentioned she thought Evgeni Malken looked like Shrek. Even later, on my way home, Shrek would be mentioned on National Public Radio. Wierd, but that happens a lot.

Nicole and I chatted for a bit and then two customers, both of which had never been to Jack's before and decided to stop in ala, "'s one of those things where you drive by all the time and finally come in to see what's up" walked into the bar.

They asked questions about the bar, what the night scene is like, etc...all which Nicole answered. I mentioned to the guys that they missed the SVRG after party last night. Technically I did too, but I had my fun. ;)

Nicole's buddy Mike came in a few minutes later and Nicole switched from music to TV audio so we could listen as the the Bruins - Penguins post-game report played. Nicole hoped to see the hit again (she didn't actually see it the first time, only the aftermath) and wasn't dissapointed. I thought it was pretty cheep (shoulder pad to the head, with the guy getting hit not seeing that he'd be hit before it happened).

But the announcers said it was legal.

One beer and done for me so I said goodbye and headed out the door. See you at Jack's on Monday!

Day 65 - Saturdays Are Difficult Days to Write

Saturday, March 6th

As the title.

Oh, I have the notes, to be sure. Copious notes, as a matter of fact.

However, I find myself held up for two reasons.

1) I'm thinking about prior Saturdays. Of things remembered and things not written. Watching Jeremiah knock over the newstand across the street, for example. Or sitting with Stephanie in the Happi House parking lot and chatting for a bit after the bar closed, only to see Matt stroll by with that ever-present smile on his face. The contents of my chat with Tall Nicole come to mind, too. The fact that Kara loves Taco Bell, makes Rice Krispie treats and I may just never see her again. Or how it is that I know one roller girl can move 10 people better than anyone else, because I've seen it.

2) I want to go back to the bar tonight (Sunday night, the day I'm writing this) before the bar closes down, even though I've already been there today. There is also the chance, however slim, that Stephanie might be there. Chris Burkhardt should be playing too.

I can tell you, Dear Reader, that Thunder has a grandmother whose maiden name was Flynn. I point you to Day 32 for reference.

In the meantime, a picture:

Be not offended, people from Austrailia. I'm on my second pitcher is all.
(photo courtesy of Grant Woods)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Day 64 - Beer Flavored Gatorade for Golfers

Friday, March 5th

Part 1: Cheesesteaks and Derby Errands

A dead day at work today. Nice timing since yesterday's found-money hangover is in full effect.

With no work, I stay home. If you're home, than perhaps you can -like me- find your way to Jack's Bar & Lounge around lunch time for a Cheese Steak and a beer.

My walk to Jack's took place under a completely overcast, grey sky. The sun shown through the clouds like a single headlight in the fog, all pure wight light and fuzzy around the edges.

The wightwash grey of the overcast sky provided an odd contrast to the fluffy clouds lurking over the hills towards Santa Cruz. The clouds were illuminated a brilliant white on top by the sun, but were lined in dark, almost about-to-rain black underneath. The rest was taken up by a grey only slightly darker than the sky overhead.

The cloud under cloud contrast was was pleasing to the eye and a big clue about the elevations of the different cloud types.

With all the rain that's been falling everything is absatively green. Even with the overcast sky the colors were somehow more vivid, more full and -strange as it might sound- almost swollen, as though color alone could fill a plant up and fill it in.  The greens were green, like as in the movie Avatar, the reds and purples were plump like the color of heart flesh and raw, red steak.

Some of the trees are starting to show buds. The persimmon tree out back of my house is too.

My walk down Taylor was thankfully construction noise free. I can see yellow spraypaint marks on the concrete around 5th and Taylor that dot and dash around like writing on a treasure map. They also look to me like the marks of a plastic surgeon, seemingly meant as instructions for men with jackhammer scalpels who are bent on giving the sidewalk a concrete facelift.

Those PG&E guys always seem to be working hard. Tax dollars well spent, I hope.

Inside the bar Travis was working (on Farmville). He'd just sold out of his first batch of Cheese Steaks and had to pull some more frozen bread to get my order started. I said hello to Ed while Travis was in back grabbing up more food.

Travis kindly offered me some pizza from Pizza My Heart as an appetizer. Good gawd that alone almost filled me up. I love multi-meat-pepperoni madness pizza (not the official name, but it works for now).

Would you believe I didn't have a beer? Soda -and lots of it- ftw!

While Travis worked on my food he chatted with me and Ed about the plans for some sort of new Italian community thing to go up near the Shark Tank. We chatted about that and the plans for San Pedro Square.

Travis talked about his idea for Beer Flavored Gatorade (for golfers), beer shoes, and mentioned that "I didn't get this way by exercising" as he rubbed his belly. I'm so stealing that line.

Let me tell you, Dear Reader, that the cheese steak was delicious! Oh so good, so tasty and so almost sweet with flavor! Mmm....

In the men's bathroom, the headless green lady sticker is still gone. The hole above the urinal has expanded too. The hole is longer and runs vertically up and down, with pink insulation exposed like raw muscle the color of Jupiter's clouds. Gypsum particles from the sheetrock dust the urinal like wet clumps of flour.

I exited the bathroom and saw what I thought to be leftover lunch customers hanging out on the back patio.


Two of those people came in, one of which happened to be a mom of one of the Silicon Valley Roller Girls. She and the man she was with were running "derby errands" for the day. She would be at the match tomorrow (Saturday) too, working a counter of some kind.

She and I talked about how energetic the roller girls get after a game and why it's good they come to Jack's after to cut loose with that extra energy. She told me about living in Las Vegas, where nothing ever seems to close, then moving to Texas and experiencing "we don't sell beer before 12 noon on Sundays" culture shock, complete with eyes being rolled at you and a side to side head motion for emphasis, even though she'd told the employee that she just moved to Texas from LV and was still getting acclimated.

This has led me to conclude that Wal Mart employees have memories like goldfish (with apologies to any who might read this blog -- but don't worry, you'll forget what I wrote in a few seconds anyway).

Travis added that Wisconsin was the last state to go from 18 to 21 on minimum drinking age. If not for the threat of lost highway funds, they might never have changed over.

Charlie stopped by around 2:43 pm and said "What's up, gorgeous?" to me as we shook hands. Then he asked Travis, "Where'd you guys get the fucking hot air balloon?" They chatted a bit about Farmville and making upgrades to their farm. I mentioned to them I used to be the banker for the player owned corporation I was a part of for EVE Online.

A little later outside and a guy rides by on a pink bike with a top hat. Now this bike was like two bike frames welded together and he had to easily be sitting at least six feet up in the air.

At 3:37 Tanisha rolled in and I figured it was about time for me to go. As I made to leave Charlie asked me what I was doing tonight.

"Going to Jack's" I told him.

Part 2: Fuck Jay Cutler

Sugi, so beautiful. Always a pleasure to head out to Jack's with her on a Friday night.

There we met Starbuck, with blond hair like liquid gold and such pretty eyes. Also Jason, handsome as ever. Jason was down, but not out. I don't think I'd ever count him out, actually. He's too smart.

Gary visited with his lovely girlfriend Patty (she's so damn tall, with a huge smile and a laugh that can't be faked). When I rubbed my belly and told her, "I didn't get this way by exercising" she hooted and hollered. Thanks, Travis. ;)

Shannon and Lisa came in for a rare late night visit, having just come from Campbell. Lisa asked me out of the blue where Stephanie was at, because she was cool and Lisa missed her. I replied I haven't seen her in about a week. Never did get the courage up to ask for her number.

Out back we ran into Robert, his name pronounced like the robe you wear and the air you breathe. He has a buzz to his voice like Charlie (who was working the bar tonight) and in fact the two of them look the same to me, as though Robert could be Charlie's uncle or older brother, though Charlie is much taller.

I can't remember if Matt or Jordan were working in tandem with Charlie. I'm guessing Jordan.

Speaking of can't remembers: I can't remember which woman at the bar said, "Fuck Jay Cutler!" but I'm glad she did. Traitor to the (Denver Broncos) cause, that Cutler.

I didn't take any phone notes for the 2nd part of today's visit, so that will have to do.

However, if you were there, dear reader, feel free to comment below. No reason you can't add to the blog same as me. ;)

See you Saturday at Jack's!

Day 63 - Was She Black?

Thursday, March 4th

The title to this post is an inside joke. It's guaranteed to make Katie laugh, at James aka Bang-Bang Kla-Klow's expense.

I would like to apologize to Eric aka ACME for my dropping a shot of Jack Daniels that he bought for me. My bad. At least the glass didn't break on the floor. Thanks for the round of drinks ACME! I like drinking with you too.

Today's visit was a late at night visit. One of my D&D buddies (yes, I play D&D: I will be your Dungeon Master anytime :wink:wink:)  had an extra ticket and invited me along for tonight's game. Badass game too. I wish we were up and not down most of the game. Would have been nice to see us getting into fights instead of having to work on erasing the 2-1 deficit, because several Montreal Canadiens players deserved a beating. Buncha dirty rotten scoundrels you ask me, especially that rat bastard that put Scott Nichol into the boards head and shoulder first. Asshole.

I'm passionate about hockey, can you tell? ;)

So I'm at the bar post-game and what do I find? $11 on the floor. That makes $31 found dollars at Jack's so far this year. So what do I do? What I always do: look around and try to remember who was there before me, ask my neighbors at the bar, ask the bartender.

The man to my right was missing part of his left arm. He said he didn't know.

Matt was bartending, he said they were gone, so the money was mine.

The two women to my right didn't claim the money either. One of them said I was lucky and could she rub my head for luck? How could I refuse a smile like that? So I said that was OK, but suggested it would be beter if rubbed my belly.

And she did, as her equally pretty friend looked on. I told her to play the lotto tomorrow and hit me up after she won. They got their drinks from Matt and left to go flirt with Jerry.

Now I'd already got a beer from Matt, so I pondered what to do with the extra funds while chatting with George a bit. George's beard looks awesome as ever. Lots of color. I like it when George comes to the bar dressed in pajamas. Smart man, that George.  (As I write this, my housemate is in the bathroom urinating while talking to his penis and sort of play-growling at it).

I can hear Travis talking to someone over the din of the jukebox and before I know it Nicole gives me a surprise hug from behind. A friendly, warm hug punctuated by "Hey how are you?" just takes the edge off the day, you know? One hell of a woman, that Nicole. But then a friend came up to her and she was gone like the wind. I would not see her for the rest of the night (and it was a long night at the bar, Dear Reader).

The bar was pretty full by then. A group of people came in and ordered six car bombs, which Matt served up herky jerky because he kept running out of this or that ingredient. Then another group ordered four Stellas and Matt popped the caps off fast as a ninja.

In the urinal I was taken aback by the absence of the headless green lady sticker. :sad:  The hole in the wall above the urinal didn't appear to be any bigger (patch it soon or it'll keep growing!). I did notice crystallized, dried up spittle stuck to the corner of the wall.  If you were really tiny it might just look like a spider web version of the Fortress of Solitude.


Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Day 62 - Grandma Keeps the Dream Alive

Wednesday, March 3rd

Would have been no Jack's visit today, were it not for my grandmother. Nor perhaps anymore after that.

So cheers to all women: grandmothers, mothers, family and non-family alike. I would not exist, were it not for a woman. I would not know about kindness, were it not for a woman. I would not understand generosity, were it not for a woman. I would not have a ride to the train station tomorrow, were it not for a woman. Nor would I have a lunch to take to work.

And yes, I would not know pain, were it not for a woman (well, serveral women). But there is more, so much more.

So cheers now and forever to all the women of the world. You are more than our half of the species deserves.

More to come (as Jason, reading that, thinks to himself, "Yeah, right.")


Day 61 - Not A Penny Spent

Tuesday, March 2nd

I didn't pay for a single drink tonight. Travis took care of me. So did Eric aka ACME when he showed up with James and Katy.

Nights like these are beyond words. The bar isn't overfull; rather the population is just right. There's the perfect person behidn the bar (Travis) and a perfect group of people to hang with.

You talk, you drink some, you watch the TVs and enjoy the company and the kindness of those around you.

Thank you all and thank you Jack's Bar & Lounge.

Day 60 - Bad Moods and Yogurt Covered Raisins

Monday, March 1st

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Day 59 - Defeated by Bloody Maries, Defeated by Canada, Defeated by Tanisha (It's German and Not Greek, Stupid)

Sunday, February 28th

Quotes of the day:
No George, you lost. You can't buy a vowel.

George (gesturing for Tanisha's laptop): Give me wikipedia.
Tanisha (looking at George like he's an especially slow child): It is wikipedia.

USA lost to Canada in the gold medal round today. Teh sad.

Tanisha was behind the bar when I strolled in at 12 pm. I sat down alone at the bar and saw a left over bottle cap on the floor between my legs as Tanisha served me a beer. The pregame show for the big game got under way and I commenced to drinking.

A bit later Old School Doug came in, then some more humans after that, like Dean, his bro (no longer in a sling), Karl-Heinz and his girlfriend (I'm a total sucker for pigtails, especially blond pigtails), and so on. Karl-Heinz told me stories of meeting a pair of brothers one year older and younger than him who had similar names in school, losing track of them, then meeting up again and realizing they were all cool.

Karl is the resident beer geek at Teske's here in town. You can find him there every Saturday and Sunday night, serving (in his words) the best beer in all of San Jose.

Aside from using my phone to take notes, I used it to text with my brother (an avid hockey fan), tweet back and forth with Lindsaylee, facebook with Crystal and Keith and hell I might have even spoken with someone on my phone too.

My game-only trip turned into a game, post-game, then go over to a friend's house with Anurag trip.

Thanks Christian and Jenny for hosting (did you know that they were married by the Power of Grayskull in addition to the regular powers invested in the dude who presided at their wedding?  Serious! Their anniversary is like 5 days away too). Thanks Anurag for not fearing Ema. Thanks Doug for ordering me up my first ever bloody mary. Thanks Keith for buying me a round and for letting me buy you a round. I thought your buddy Boo's dog's shirt was pretty funny (the doggy shirt says "Bitches Love Me").

At some point Marcus mentioned Epic Beard Man. Then Keith showed me a video of EBM on his phone. Then Marcus said I should be Epic Beard Man for Halloween. Lolz.

Outside I saw three very large women and one man walking three very small chihuahuas that were some kind of wierd-ass mix. It made me think of hill giants walking hairless wolves.

Back inside, Keith told me it was his goal to someday buy the Fillmore back. Then Jason (white Jason aka Son of Anarchy, not black Jason aka I Know When You Lie) stopped in for an emergency piss.

Another trip outside and I'm talking corporate malfeasance with Doug when a truck covered in torn pink carpet and sporting a giant metal rack on which are perched several green couches drives by. Must have been from the parade float reject farm.

Then I watched a truck that looked like Optimus Prime drive by. That was cool. Made up for the time I lost and would never get back from watching the reject farm parade float drive by.

Then I watch a little old lady walk by (and we're talking little - as in when she walks behind a parked car you can't even see her through the glass) across the street. She was bent over so far her head was past her feet. Yet she did just fine without a walker and motored right along. A few minutes later an old man came around Foster's Freeze, grabbed her by the elbow and more or less carry-walked her back up Taylor. She musta got loose.

About then I noticed two airplanes landing at the same damn time (one seemingly on top of the other) at the airport. WTF!?

I went to Foster's Freeze and bought a corn dog. A day of firsts. First time I've ever eaten from Fosters and as of this writing I'm still alive.

Let's not forget my first bloody mary, either: That fucking bloody mary kicked my ass all game long. It went down easier with some hot dogs from Der Wienerschnitzel too. I think bloody maries are everything V8 Juice wants to be. Like the wizened older uncle who's been around the world, has the tattoos to prove it and knows how to say "Where are the hookers, please?" in eight different languages.

Today I learned bloody maries are unique to the bar where you order them. Each bar and bartender does it a little different. I also learned to say Fuck No to bloody mary mix. Make it real or fuck off.

Why do I bring Metro's into the bar? Tanisha commandeered it (with my compliments, to be honest). So I got another one and put it right in my truck. Lesson learned.

So there were two big old All West busses parked in front of Ceilito Lindo. I hit up one of the drivers and he told me it was all for the San Jose Buddhist church gathering. Doug made a buddha joke but I forgot it (probably bad karma to write it anyway lolz).

Have you seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? I thought there might be some truth to the depiction of the main character's dad as someone who thinks everything comes from Greece.

This suspicion was confirmed today at the bar by my bar buddy George. George is Greek. George is awesome. George is not immune to the effects of mind erasers.

The same goes for his buddy (and my buddy, but probably not your buddy unless you go to Jack's) Marcus.

Just like with black holes, when you combine awesome you get more than the sum of the parts. So it is with George and Marcus.

However, Jack's has an awesome equalizer, since even awesome can get out of hand sometimes. That equalizer is Tanisha (with a friendly assist from the internet).

The claim? English has its roots in Greek.

The truth? English has its roots in German. German is the mother tongue of English. Fuck even I knew this (that's what bathroom readers/useless fact books are for--to get smart when you're taking a dump).

Tried to tell George that too. Problem is George and Marcus' ability to cogitate was temporarily negated by the two mind erasers they'd consumed. Thus George insisted it was Greek, always was Greek, etc...

Enter the Dragon (i.e., Tanisha) to set the record straight. Pwned at the bar (ouch!).

Keith thought it was pretty fucking funny, as did I.

But it was all in good fun and good drinks.

See you Monday at Jack's n' shit.