Saturday, March 20th
Alternate Title: I Didn't Want To Irradiate My Balls
No, really. I didn't want to irradiate them. Thanks to NPR I now know that cell phones operate via microwave radiation. The broadcast radiation heats up the water in your tissues just like the microwave at home will excite water molecules to heat up food.
I usually keep my phone in my front pants pocket when I'm at Jack's. That's now officially too close for comfort. My little swimmers don't need a sunburn, if you know what I mean.
So, no phone and no note taking while at the bar. That meant I missed Sugi's text invite to hang downtown at The Wagon and Firehouse. On the other hand I did get to see Tod's warehouse abode...but I'm getting ahead of myself.
If it's going to be a nighttime visit, the best time to come in is at the transition between the day bartender and the nighttime crew. Thus I arrived to see many people in the bar, but not too many, with Tanisha running things. I found Jimmy and Tod already deep into a few rounds --Tod was like ten feet deep, Jimmy still in the shallow end and I hadn't even got my feet wet yet.
The house was out of PBR on tap so I opted for a Blue Moon, which Jimmy nicely bought for me. Jimmy also bought a few rounds of shots and I got him back later that night. Bouncing beers off of each other (that is, you get this round and I'll get the next one) is fun, and also very enabling when you're in the mood to drink. ;)
Not long after I arrived, Matt the Bartender arrived. A fist bump by way of greetings in lieu of a handshake, which was new. Jimmy told me his story of getting booted from Jack's for taking Tod's dare to see if he could do damage to the wood rail of the bar with his fist, how he broke his hand in the process (it's still broke) and how he ressurected his drinking priviledges after that.
We teased Tod about his manly looks and curly, Greek-statue sort of hair. This led to talk of naked statues and thus naked penises, which led to more general penis talk (Dear Reader, I have thus far spaired you the talk of penis that occurs at the bar seemingly every weekend, but no longer) and the determination that Tod is like a homing pidgeon: no matter how drunk he may be, he always finds his way home.
I could have let myself be content with this last, but seeing Tod very deep in the pool and recalling Gabby's words to me from last week ("Take care of him if you can. Keep an eye on him.") led me to offer him a ride home. Tod stood up and said he'd be fine, but with encouragement from Jimmy and me putting his arm over my shoulder, Tod and I moved like a three-legged race team out of the bar and to my truck.
Tod's place is a warehouse, it's awesome and I could see how bottle rockets would have plenty of room to fly inside. I liked the toilet seat screwed to the wall, the various signs, the couches and how comfy it all looked. Tod nearly brained himself on one of the coffee tables after stumbling into his place, but he caught himself at the last moment. We talked a bit about the place, then I excused myself. Beer still waiting for me at the bar after all.
Back at the bar and Jenny, Rebecca and Brooke were gone.
Before taking Tod home, I watched their purses at their table at Jenny's request, so they could go smoke.
Jenny has a commanding voice. Somewhere she learned the perfect pitch and tone that a mother uses to get a child's attention. It's also the kind of voice that can cut through heavy bar chatter and loud music without actually overpowering the louder sounds. She called my name with that voice and this was how she got my attention and I was up on my feet and moving towards her before I knew what the hell I was doing.
Before that, she told me that it's never best to judge someone from just a look, as we walked back into the bar together. There are in her words "ten thousand" questions to ask first.
Before that, when Jenny and I were outside, I asked her if she could help me learn to speak clothing. We had a fast lesson on the difference between heels, flats and sandals. What I thought were sandals on Jenny's feet were in fact heels, since they had about a half-inch rise on them. Then I learned that in Canada they don't use salt on the roads to help clear ice. Instead they use sand, which just like at the beach gets everywhere and is really rough on toes. Jenny's toes in this case.
Before that, I learned a bit about how women function in pairs and what really goes on in the ladies room.
For the first topic, women watch out for each other at a club or bar or wherever but also give each other enough space to operate solo. I learned that if two or more women are out and about, and are also married, then they're partners to each other. If they're not married, then the term wingman is more apt.
For the second topic I'd figured women just used the bathroom breaks to fish for compliments and reassurances from each other. Not always so! Instead, questions are posed like "Are you OK?" and "Where are you at?" The women that are part of the group but don't ask the "How are you?" type questions are not the best to hang with, nor the safest.
Before that Jenny informed me Rebecca would be coming out soon. As if on cue Rebecca shot out of the bar like a concerned parent, her eyes scanning to the gas station that sits on the opposite corner of the 4th and Taylor intersection from Der Wienerschnitzel, looking for Jenny. She moved so fast she didn't even see Jenny and me just to her left as she walk/rushed out the door.
Before that I went to the Happi House parking lot, where I'd just put my phone in my truck (I had my phone on me when I walked into the bar, but after remembering the NPR broadcast from earlier today I went right back outside to drop it off). On the short walk back across the street, I saw Jenny standing to the right of the bar entrance, cigarette in hand, looking fantastic in jeans that fit the lines of her legs and shaped her behind, and a faded brown California state t-shirt.
Time to pause and eat breakfast/lunch. Back for more, including:
Tanisha's laptop. A quote: I'm not pregnant, just retaining water. Salt on the neck of her Corona. Lick the neck and have a swallow of beer. Jimmy was far more entranced by this than I was.
Cynthia from Sweden, her shaven headed date (not from Sweden but like Norway or something) and their friend who was from Sweden also. They said Jack's is an improvement over Linda's Lightrail Lounge.
Trapps stepped out to give Vex1(?) some time behind the turntables and he played throwback early 90s tunes that led to dancing with Rina as she moved out from behind the bar and grabbed my hand.
Couldn't go home for all the police cars around Happi Lot. Alternated to Dennys which James Bang-Bang! reminded me was in fact iHop. Lolz someone should deffinitely not be driving right now anyway.
Red dominos at table 1.
Outside with Megan, flourescent shoelaces, layered shirt and matchign earrings.
Lots of females at teh bar and Jimmy was a happy camper.
Rina and Matt. Rina's halter top.
Run the spell checker lolz.
And the ending (already written): Not bad for not having my Blackberry to take notes with, eh? See you Sunday at Jack's!