Sunday, January 31, 2010

Day 30 - Of Wolf Moons and Mexican Jokes As Told By Latinos

I met a one legged woman. I asked her her name and she said it was Ilene. I thought "Ok" so then I asked her where she likes to eat. She told me IHOP. Damn!

Two Mexicans were drinking at the cantina and went out back to take a piss. They were going about their business when a cold wind blew through.
One guy says, "It's a little chilly."
The other guy says, "Speak for yourself, mine's a big chili."

Q. What do gay horses like to eat?
A. Haaaaaay.

-As told to me by da Vinci (Naming Conspiracy, remember?) and let me tell you da Vinci rocks.

I knew even before I walked in to Jack's Bar & Lounge tonight that mine would be a short trip. Heavy alcohol consumption wears on the soul and I just didn't feel like trading in the essence of my being for the privilege of having yet another hangover.

The wolf moon was in full effect, ducking in and out of the fast moving clouds like a headlight in the fog. A chill had settled in after sunset and I could see my breath as I walked across the street from the Happi House parking lot on 5th and Taylor to Jack's.

I saw da Vinci standing in the front yard of his neighbor's house and stopped to say hello. He introduced me to his neighbors and told me several jokes, some of which you were forced to read above. ;)

Swearengen (formerly the Godfather, Jack Black, Sean Connery and Burt Reynolds, but otherwise known as Travis) greeted me at the entrance to Jack's. We'll see you at Flames tomorrow morning, Travis.

From outside I could see that the interior walls of Jack's were bereft of paintings and artwork. Matt told me that his artwork was taken down because it was Aimee's turn to put up her work, which will be hung next Tuesday. Matt spent a good part of today patching small holes and repainting the walls.

That's something I've noticed about how Jack's is managed: they do a lot of regular upkeep and keep the bar looking new and fresh.

I don't like it when the walls are bare. Doesn't feel right. I am looking forward to what Aimee has in store, though. Her nudes are some of my favorite works. ;)

Inside the Shark's game had just ended (Shark's won!) and every seat in the house was full. I'm not sure if the crowd was into the game or not, but I did see at least one Shark's jersey. Matt returned from his break outside and poored me a beer while the DJ set up to start spinning.

Spent a lot of time out on the back patio where Dank* was working, just chilling (in the cold, haha), trying to avoid the water condensation that covered all the patio tables like a cold, wet blanket, writing notes to myself on my Blackberry and listening to three regulars smack talk about work.

Someone managed to pull around back and turn the corner at the patio fencing and park their car. I hope they don't drink too much, because backing out is going to be a bitch and that fence might take a hit or two when they try to get out.

At least the four people who exited the car were wearing so much perfume between them that it temporarily masked the scent of skunk that wafted in on the evening air as they walked around front to go inside. Made me think of a cheap Sex Panther knockoff. ;)

Dank turned on the heat lamps and I watched steam slowly curl up like cigarette smoke and evaporate into the night air as the metal lamp hoods heated up.

Dank's girlfriend Drew (Barrymore, my Naming Conspiracy co-plotter) was in attendance tonight, but she disappeared and I don't know where she went.

Back inside a crowd had started to form and I knew my time was short. I made to finish my beer when I saw a hand waving at me from the bar. I hadn't seen Gary in awhile but I sure as heck saw him tonight. His date was really beautiful and I'm glad I got to finally meet her in person. There's something about the smile of a beautiful woman that gets to me and tonight was no different.

Speaking of beautiful women: there were quite a few of them at Jack's. I like the gal who has the spiderweb tattoo on her arm (mentioned her previously in this blog, I think).

I went outside to speak with Swearengen some more, saw the bar owner slip inside to start his shift next to Matt (I really can't think of a code name for Matt --help, Drew!), checked the moon one more time and hit the road home.

See you Sunday at Jack's!

*Note: "Dank" is what this particular Jack's employee prefers to be called in the blog; thus Dank is not an actor or the name of a character from a movie -- you can find Dank spinning on Monday nights and working the door and tending bar several other days of the week.

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